May 5 - Who is Out of Your League?
We’ve all seen those seemingly mismatched couples where one person was considerably more attractive than their partner. And we’ve all wondered, “How did that happen?”
A good friend of mine, I’ll call her Patty, married her college sweetheart. Tim was a handsome star on the football team. He was charming, yet humble. Patty was tremendously sweet, witty, smart, articulate and charismatic. Patty was also obese. They met through Patty’s father who was the beloved football coach. And Tim fell madly in love with the coach’s daughter. Although their marriage was far from perfect, it was filled with love and commitment. Patty went on to become a successful and admired executive with a major media company and Mike had an equally successful career in sales. However, Patty’s weight continued to increase and she suffered a stroke. In fact, she suffered 3 strokes in 9 years. The final one, which took her life, was while she was a resident at a weight loss facility. Although Patty was primarily an upbeat person, for those 8 years that I knew her, she would at times tell me the reactions that she would receive when being introduced to Tim’s colleagues and clients. She learned to expect them, those literal jaw dropping moments, when the men and the women (some who had a crush on Tim who was still a charming and handsome man), tried to comprehend how Tim and Patty could be together. It obviously had a negative impact on her self-esteem – this upbeat, successful, amazing woman.
As I go through the profiles, some which have been submitted to me and others that I’ve searched for on other dating sites, I will admit I have my Patty moments. It’s obviously not about obesity for me but there are other thoughts about myself that hold me back. There are guys, who after reading their profiles, I’m convinced they are my soulmates. But I won’t make an initial contact because I believe they are out of my league. And for those highly attractive men who submit their profiles to me, I question whether they’ll be interested after the media attention is over. I’ve talked with more than a few of them who were enamored with me, just from the small coverage I’ve received. (I never considered how annoying that would be, until I had to listen to them go on and on about it).
So the question of “who is out of my league?” is something we don’t really ask aloud. But is it something you think about and act on? And as I said before, it’s not always about weight or looks. It could be the beautiful ex-ballerina who never went to college and was told that although she’s attractive, she doesn’t have the substance to keep a man. Or it’s the woman who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. She avoids men who are rich and successful. Or it is the 30-something woman I was introduced to this weekend, who has never been asked out on a date. She is crippled and has been in and out of hospitals her entire life, and doubts a man will ever want to marry her.
I believe that we will all face dating rejection (I’ve certainly had my share). But I also believe that now’s not the time to shrink back, especially when a guy has made the first move (and heck, even when he hasn’t). 2009 is my year to go for it and I invite you to join me. We’ll tape up the mouths of those voices in our head that tell us we’re not good enough for him and make our move.
So the next time we browse the online dating profiles and we come across a guy who looks like Brad Pitt, and has written the most witty, interesting, revealing profile, what do we do next? Say it with me, ladies! “We go for it!”