About a month ago, I was emailing back and forth with a guy I met online. He was a rare gem, as far as email relationships go. I’ve learned that for most men, writing a message is not their strong suit, so I try to look past the 1 or 2 awkward sentences that I usually receive. This has paid off on numerous occasions because many guys are much better on the phone or in person. But this man, I’ll call him Hurley, his emails were interesting, witty, and thoughtful. Hurley and I emailed back and forth for 10 days straight. On some days, I heard from him twice. The first couple of days, I was in witty banter heaven. He had a great sense of humor and it even matched my own. The emails progressed to more reflective words where we shared about our childhoods, hopes for the future, and even ordinary daily activities that were interesting to us.
Into day 5, I was sure at the end of his email I would read something like, “so do you want to talk on the phone?” or “would you like to meet?” But it was more like, “looking forward to hearing from you.” I’m thinking, if you want to hear from me than ask for my number already. But, instead, it was more emails, which I enjoyed, so I thought I’d just give things more time. I know what you’re thinking. You don’t have to say it. But, if you’ve been following my website, you know that I’m not prone to making the first move.
Well 10 days into the intense email back and forth, Hurley cut me off cold turkey. Just like that. Usually the signs are the emails get shorter, or he asks less questions about you, etc. But not Hurley. I simply never heard from him again.
I was confused, disappointed, in denial, angry and all the other steps that go with the grieving process. Of course my mind went wild with different scenarios of what could have happened. I went from maybe he was in a car accident to he must have been married and his wife found out. So much emotion for a guy I was in an email relationship with for 10 days.
My personal takeaway is that unless a man lives half way around the world, spending days and days emailing back and forth without taking it to the next step means an investment that won’t most likely pay off. So I decided to try a new approach. No more waiting for guys to make the first move. If we’ve emailed back and for at least 3 rounds, then I will ask if he wants to meet (unless he asks me first or unless I decide we’re not a good fit). When I make the offer, I’ll keep it casual and simple – a quick cup of coffee at the local Starbucks… something like that. If he makes excuses then I’ll know it’s time to move on. So what do you think? Does that sound reasonable or should I give my email relationships more time?