• Neenah Pickett

July 17 - Dating the Married Man

I never thought that phrase would apply to me. I’ve seen those ladies on Oprah and Dr. Phil. I was disgusted by them, felt sorry for them, and always saw them as “those ladies.” But then, I became one of them.

I’ll now say that I’m being overly dramatic, but there is truth to my story. I dated a married man. He was a regular guy –one you’d want your mom to meet—if he weren’t married! He had a couple of kids, a good job, and seemed to be an upstanding citizen. But imagine my surprise when he dropped a bombshell on me at the end of the date: “By the way, I did want you to know something about me that I hope you don’t mind. I’m separated from my wife.” AKA, I’m still married to her.

He goes on to tell me how the divorce isn’t final, but they’ve been apart for many months. “It’s just an accounting thing” before they finalize the paperwork. Inside I should have been seething, but I’ve been at this a long time and am a bit cynical. So the first thought that came to my head was “it figures!” I did feel misled and I was disappointed, not to mention it was a waste of time, energy and money getting all dolled up for the date.

I honestly don’t understand why people who are separated won’t wait until things are final before they start to date again. I’ve obviously never been married, so I don’t know what it’s like ending things with your spouse and finding the need to quickly replace them. I’m sure it’s a difficult period. But for us singles who consider “separated” to mean married—or “off limits,” just do us a favor and be upfront about it. He had the opportunity to write “separated” in the little box, but I imagine he knew how many women that little word would cost him.

Well I recovered, only to get an email from a guy who was divorced, but told me in his second email that the divorce had only been final for one week, and he still lived with his wife (I mean ex-wife) and his kids. “But” he added, he was going to move out any day!

Sigh! Another one of those brush-your-shoulders-off moments. So how about you… have you or would you date a person who was “separated?”

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