December 4 - Five Questions on Finding Love - with Dr. Aaron Turpeau
In addition to finding "him", I'm also looking to learn and grow emotionally - to have healthy thoughts and attitudes about being single as well as being in a relationship. So, throughout the year, I've gone to people who I think have insight in this area and presented a series called "5 Questions on Finding Love" which gave each person an opportunity to answer different questions. Below were those asked of Dr. Aaron Turpeau. He is a successful Atlanta-based psychologist, relationship expert and coach. He's also a best selling author and national speaker. 1) How can I tell if I'm being too picky verses simply selective? I have found that most people are not picky enough. Unfortunately, people today have very few standards and they end up with people that are not right for them. However, some people can be too picky and want their partners to be perfect. This is the other extreme and it sets the relationship up to fail. The best approach is to come up with a list of characteristics, date several people and see who scores the beat on your list with the understanding that non one will score perfectly if you have a good amount of characteristics. If you only have 5 or 10 characteristics then someone may score perfectly, but you have a very poor list. 2) Can I or should I try to change the way I feel about a nice guy that will help me find him more appealing? Unfortunately, many women today do not allow nice guys onto their dating radar. Amazingly, they want to date men who are not nice, for a sense of adventure or to have a “challenge”. Then when the relationship is problematic they look dumbfounded as to why she is having so much drama. Answer: she set her self up for drama. Again if you use the list approach such as I have in my book “The Harmonious Way: A success Guide to Selecting A Compatible Mate” you will make better decisions about men. You will probably consider more nice guys and have nicer relationships, because you will be more rational in your mate selection approach. 3) What are your thoughts on starting a relationship with someone who lives long distance? Absolutely a bad idea. It is possible that you can have a good relationship with someone that starts as a long distance relationship, however it is not probable. I see so many people that made the mistake of starting a long distance relationship. Remember, every one can put their best foot forward for a weekend. 4) What's one thing women commonly do to attract men, yet we don't realize it doesn't work? Spouting off about how strong and independent you are. 5)Is there such a thing as love at first site or soul mates? No. There is no such thing as love at first site. However, there is attraction at first site.
The soul mate concept is fine as long as you understand that there is not just one person out there that is predestined to be your soul mate. Realistically there are a lot of people out there that could be your soul mate. You just have to be smart in your mate selection decision making.
For more information on Dr. Turpeau, check out his website at http://www.drturpeau.com/ and let him know you read about him here on my site.